i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
