i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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