His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
