I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
