If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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