There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
