Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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