i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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