Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
