Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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