So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
