You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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