Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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