If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
