so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
