we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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