I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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