i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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