omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
