ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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