i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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