the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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