Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
50% drunk capacity currently
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
