there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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