This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
