Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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