I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
