im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
