whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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