I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
