Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Drunk is not a location!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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