I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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