im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
