Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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