What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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