I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
