Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
