I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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