please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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