I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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