Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
