At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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