I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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