she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
