Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
