so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
should my penis look like a turkey
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
