He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
