I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
