home. puking in laundry basket.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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