he thought i was a dude.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My feet surprised me
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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