Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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