I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I could fuck to npr.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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