Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
