so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
