Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
