I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
