It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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